Saturday, September 3, 2011

Let's take a step back, shall we?

I'm a mom. Chances are you are a mom. Or a dad. Or a mom-to-be. Or you enjoy reading snarky mommy rants and laughing at how much cooler your life is than mine. Whatever, you're probably on the same level as me and hopefully you are on the same level of inebriation sleep deprivation, so that this post actually makes sense. So, let me ask you a question: What in the holy heck is with the play-by-play potty training updates? SERIOUSLY. The only thing I want to know about your kid's potty training is when you are going to be done so you can come over to my house and teach my kid. I'll even begrudge you an uppity "I never have to change another sh*tty diaper" status post, and that is only because I can harass you with a "Good luck getting him/her to wipe his/her own ass" comment and giggle to myself at the light bulb going off in your head.

You think you are showing off, but the thing is roughly 1% of your friend list is actually impressed. That 1% includes your parents, in-laws and other relatives that have no business being on facebook and they didn't need a status update because you sent them 7 pictures of your precious pooper sitting on the potty! Trust me, the 75% of your friends (we are using that term liberally) that do not have kids think you have lost your damn mind & the 24% that have kids think you are a braggadocios prick. Do you know what your childless, unmarried friends think when they see your "Mary Grace pooped in the potty twice today! She is SUCH a big girl!" facebook status? Answer: They are determining how exactly to unfriend you or block you from their news feed on the ever changing beast that is facebook. And those are the people you want to stay friends with, if you ever plan on attending a social function without the Wiggles soundtrack playing in the background.

So do as all a favor and keep that bit of maternal/paternal pride to yourself, please. Seriously, I'm a parent and I don't even give a sh*t (pun intended).
Posted by AnonyMOMous at 3:38 PM
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5 comments:

  1. bamfmartinSeptember 3, 2011 at 6:01 PM

    Yup. But I'm an equal opportunity shitty status update blocker. As sick as I am of potty training updates, I'm also sick of nonstop gym updates and check-ins at places as mundane as Starbucks or McDonald's or the gas station!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kelly KrewsonSeptember 4, 2011 at 6:48 AM

    I despise those peoples posts that are constantly going on & on about other people posting drama & crap about them {that can't possibly be true} when they could just block the people and end the drama for themselves! Oh, and those people who end ever update with "... I love my kids Manny, Moe & Jack so much" Great, you love your kids that much {liar} but when you are saying "I'm going to the bar to get totally trashed and give random strangers naked lap dances & possibly get a disease... I love my kids Manny, Moe & Jack so much" You make yourself look like trash.
    One more-- You may enjoy music videos & wish you had been an MTV v-jay before they gave up showing videos however, I don't need every one in my news stream!
    I could go on but, I'll stop.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    A-MEN. That's a quick way to get unfollowed on thetwitter too. We've all been there, I don't want to hear about your kids potty training or habits.

    ReplyDelete
  4. RustiSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    *cough* um... I AM that mom. okay, not always, and that's not the only thing I ever post, but if we hit a big potty-training milestone?? I post it. :) thankfully, I know that you love me anyway. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    Potty training = phucking hell in my book. I love this post.

    ReplyDelete

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