I think everyone agrees that there is still a discrepancy in the standards that men & women are held to. (If you don't think this is true, please give Cinderella & Sleeping Beauty my kindest regards.) The standard can swing either ways depending on the topic. Men are much more likely to be promoted and applauded for being foul-mouthed and inappropriate. I let one "fawk" fly & I'm branded as one of "those" women. (Not necessarily a bad thing, but still.) On the other hand, if I am stranded on the side of the road, there is a good chance that at least 2 men will try to come to my rescue, 3 if I'm wearing a skirt. The Yankee would be sh*t out of luck, if he didn't know how to change his own tire. But when it comes to parenting, at least in our house, I think that Mommy get the short end of the parental stick. I highly doubt I'm alone in this.
Even if we start by ignoring the obvious pregnancy, delivery & breastfeeding related gripes, because those are just too easy, the masculine crowd still lucks out. Have you ever heard a dad stress over the male-equivalent of mommy guilt? Me neither. How about seeing a dad up stay up late researching pesticide content in fruits and vegetable? Or researching anything to do with raising healthy, well-rounded and emotionally mature children? Nope, not my husband, but you better believe he can tell you the Yankee's up-to-the-minute batting average and what the average MPGs are on the car we haven't purchased yet. To add insult to frustration, he thinks I don't notice his eyes glass over when I start talking to him about a article I read on emotionally preparing our children for schools & bullies. If he's not careful, he might end up with a bully in bed next to him.
The daddy habit that really takes the cake for me is The Yankee's ability to ignore a child's whining and crying like he's got built in ear plugs. Hell, the man can manage to watch TV (without using the pause button 83 times) with two kids under the age of three and trust me, it's not because they are sitting calmly. I will be upstairs, head stuck in a dryer and stop to yell "Why are they crying?". I don't know why I even bother to ask, because I guarantee the response will be "They're fine!". I can't even hear my own thoughts over the ruckus those two create, but The Yankee can hear the witty banter from "Top Gear" just fine. I swear he ignores them just because he knows I will come intervene and then he can continue to enjoy his relaxation. Come to think of it, I'm being played. Guess that doesn't make me the brighter half in this marriage, huh? Anyway...
But the REAL problem begins every time The Yankee steps in public with at least one child in tow. All the man has to do is carry a child and he is guaranteed an "Awwww, what a great dad!" or two. Nobody notices yours truly struggling with a diaper bag, purse, two sippys and a unyielding, squirmy toddler. Bitter? Yes, BUT not without cause! Heaven help me, if The Yankee is babywearing one of the kids, his accolades become worthy of their own award show: "Wow, you are such a sweet husband!", "You are such a great example for your son!" and continue ad nauseum. I refrain from yelling "That's his freakin job!", when someone applauds him for taking care of his children. I want to stop these well-meaning, but annoying folks before his ego gets so big it won't be able to fit it back into the car, but anything other than smiling & nodding makes me look like the bitter old hag that I'm trying not to be.
I'm not trying to begrudge The Yankee his praise, because he really is a great dad, ignoring the kid's whining, not withstanding. He deserves to hear how awesome he is on occasion, but every day? Come on! If Steve Jobs was told every day how amazing he is, would there even be an Apple? Err, bad example. What I'm trying to say is...well...you know...if he would just...Ugh, I give up! Maybe I am becoming old and bitter, but would it kill a stranger to tell me I look like a great mom instead of pointing out that my shoes don't match & my hair desperately needs to be colored WOULD IT?! Come on, give a mom a chance!
In honor of my hilarious & oh-so-handsome husband, tonight's post is a list of reasons I am thankful for Dads, especially the Yankee.
1. The terrifying thrilling and adventurous stunts he performs with the kids that make me want to cry, but make the kids squeal with delight. Tossing your kid several feet above his head over hard surfaces? Check. Launching your kid across the room onto a haphazard stack of pillows? Check. Teaching the child how to ricochet those tiny bouncy balls (aka choking hazards) down my hallway leaving colored streaks on the walls? Check. Creating makeshift sleds, slides and high objects with which to break a leg leap off of? Check. As much as I worry (that's what the wine is for), complain and grimace, my husband makes my kids lives' significantly more exciting, though I still claim griping rights when one of said stunts results in an ER visit and a tense conversation with DFCS.
2. Somebody has to teach the kids that flatulence is funny, as that is clearly the benchmark of all childhood and male humor to follow. Clearly a job that the Yankee has been training his whole life for.
3. Who else would be ridiculously proud of all things within his son's diaper/underwear, including but not limited to the ultrasound crotch shot of his baby boy, the size of a newborns *ahem* balls *ahem*, unreasonably large bowel movements and the first time your son loudly and proudly identifies his pe.n.is in public.
4. Following #3, who else would be unreasonably protective of his daughter's modesty from her time in utero and beyond. Example: At ~20weeks large, we go in for ultrasound to determine the baby's gender. The tech confirms that we are having a girl and the Yankee asks how sure she is. The tech says "Definitely a girl, 3 lines clear as day". The Yankee leans in and asks what she means by "3 lines". I suppress my laughter (come on, we've made 2 babies & had plenty of practice, you think he'd understand the general anatomy of that region by now) and explain what she means. The Yankee gets a look of horror on his face and chokes out "You mean, they are looking at her......privates?" Yes, he really asked that. This is the man that showed his son's ultrasound "money shot" to anyone he within 5 feet for a 3 week period, but clearly a daughter is a different ball game. I told him no, that the ultrasound tech was just looking for the pink bow on her head. Sometimes it's just better to play along.
5. He's a much better cook than I am. Or he's just better at motivating himself to cook. Regardless, I'm thankful. Eat your heart out ladies, he's all mine.
6. The Yankee can jiggle, cajole & otherwise trick a cranky kid into going the heck to sleep without any help from me. Mommy still reigns supreme for calming meltdowns, boo-boos and bad days, but Daddy rules in the bedtime department. Especially thankful as this gives me time for all the important things like having a glass of mommy juice, reading up on my gossip and writing snarky things for all 8 of you to read.
7. Who else would know how to bring me back to reality when I start sporting crazy mommy eyes about some irrational fear that I conjured up after too much reading online and actually care enough to take the time to do it? Yea, nobody but the Yankee, because, my crazy eyes are a scary sight.
8. The snarky, judgy traits he has picked up from yours truly and the hilarious one-liners he delivers. Also, his ability to quote what I consider to be extremely important pop culture references like HIMYM, The Princess Bride and Family Guy.
9. His unfailing support of me, my choices, & my causes. Can I tell you how I beamed the first time the Yankee said "I'm so glad you are the mother of my son and are so dedicated to doing what is best for him (in reference to breastfeeding)." His support for my ever evolving parenting style has given me the freedom to parent with confidence that I'm not irreparably screwing up our kids.
10. That he has his priorities straight. That loving & providing for his family has & continues to be his primary focus. That he is willing to take the time to wrestle, snuggle, tickle and sit down with his kids, even when he is exhausted from dealing with work, all his other responsibilities and his nutty wife.
Happy Father's Day, YankeeDaddy. We love you!
