The war zone.

Anyone that knows me IRL (that would hopefully be none of you) knows the challenge that is my relationship with my in laws. These people make me want to puncture my eardrum with a screwdriver, just for an excuse to leave. Seriously, I didn't create & proliferate the hashtag #shittyinlaws for the fun of it. Ok, maybe it was a little fun, but that's not the point. These people drive me to a level of insanity that 3+ years of sleep deprivation and parenting hasn't achieved. Seriously, how is that even possible?! Apparently, they are gifted.


Let's start with some background shall we? The Yankee is an only child, which is a BIG deal. The Yankee was, and still is, very spoiled by them. They still call him a nickname that nobody over the age of 6 should be called and worry about his every want & need. Forget the fact that he is a grown adult & has a wife to look out for him, they still worry if he gets enough sleep & regularly advise me to "Let him rest!" (Have I told you about he sleeps yet? No? Oh, you'll enjoy that story, but back to my ILs.) The sun rises & sets with their boy. I'm just the evil, thieving woman who stole their perfect son. As an added bonus, I do not share the same cultural background as them, which is a VERY big deal.


My darling FIL once looked me in the face and told me that "EVERYBODY should be [from their culture]." I might have told him that saying & believing that was akin to being a Nazi. Definitely gave the Yankee a shock on that one. (It took almost 2 years for him to admit that his dad *might* have been wrong and that I *might* have been justified in responding like I did. Thanks for that support, hun.) So, to put it mildly, there is not much love lost between us.


I will eat some humble pie and admit that they, especially my FIL, are great grandparents. They love our kids (even if they are only half-breeds) and really want to be involved in their lives. I make sure to put on my big girl panties and let them see the kids as close to weekly as possible, despite the other crap that I have to deal with. That being said, I shall return to my vitriol.


My in laws are jealous, petty and a shocking mix of non-confrontational, passive-aggressive and full-on combative. It is a regular occurrence to have a perceived slight brought up months or years after the fact, despite all efforts to have an open relationship and ask them to communicate if I upset them. They once got offended because I told them I appreciated their opinions, but we were going to raise our son a bit differently. Yes, that's really how I said it & they really got upset, but didn't tell me until they had simmered in bitter anger for nearly 2 years. My relationship with my in laws makes me stop to wonder if I'm living in a bad sitcom or an elaborate reality show.


It is funny from the outside (my girlfriends get a huge laugh at the torture that is my life), but it's a bit tough to giggle when you are stuck in the war zone between the husband and his parents. But if I'm going to be miserable, I might as well entertain you wonderful people with it, so here are a few more gems from my #shittyinlaws:


-The very first time my MIL (a classic over sharer) met my mom, she insisted on talking about how her pain meds were causing her, *ahem*, digestive issues. We changed the conversation 4 different times and 5 times she brought it back up. I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when my MIL uttered the phrase "rectal spasms". Care to join us for Sunday dinner?


-My darling FIL telling my husband "Go ahead, marry her & break hundreds of years of tradition!" in reference to getting serious with someone outside of their cultural background. He sure knows how to welcome somebody to the family!


-My MIL reminding me to take care of my "wifely duties" when our firstborn was barely 2 months old. I guess that would have been a good time to ask her if she knew how to get vomit stains out of berber carpet.


So, do you have #shittyinlaws or am I going to be infinitely jealous to hear all the sweet things your sweet in laws do for you?