6. SunshineMom: Let me say that until about a year ago, I thought SunshineMom was the parenting equivalent of a unicorn. A lot of hype and a story from your neighbor's sister's best friend, but as it turns out, I was mistaken! So, what is a SunshineMom? She is a mom that doesn't get frustrated or impatient. She doesn't gossip (putting a big kink in my "all mom's judge" theory) and isn't frazzled by whiny kids. She can handle newborns twins, a trying three year old & a traveling husband without so much as a "Can I just go pee by myself?!" freak out. She lives the adage "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". And frankly, she makes the rest of us look bad, but you can't be mad at someone so sweet. Trust me, I've tried.
7. AlternativeMom: If you don't have an AlternativeMom in your friend circle, you have my pity. They are entertaining, unpretentious and, as a group, some of the least judgmental mommas I've met. Some AltMoms are easy to spot with brightly colored hair and visible tattoos and some aren't. These moms march to their own maraca, are generally alright with adult language and have stories that bring me right on the edge of needing a Depends. I highly suggest you break your idea of what a mom friend should be & meet a few AltMoms. I'll admit they make me feel a bit boring in my Loft cargo pants and uncolored hair, but that's just my complex. Plus, everybody needs a friend they can drop an F bomb around. Everybody.
8. BitterMom: Have you ever come across a mom that seemed impossibly negative? Not just having-a-rough-day negative. These Moms will share a seemingly endless stream of vitriol about any topic including their husbands faults, their children's annoying habits and their third grade dance teacher. I once knew a BitterMom (also as InappropriateMom) who described her 5 year old as a "little b*tch" and made jokes about her ending up a stripper. I needed two weeks of antidepressants and a nap after such close proximity to evil. Fortunately, most BitterMoms announce themselves through a combination of bad hair & a permanent B*tchFace, so you should be safe. Be extra careful to avoid BitterMomGoingThroughADivorce unless you want a reason to root for the husband who ran off with the 22 year old.
7. AlternativeMom: If you don't have an AlternativeMom in your friend circle, you have my pity. They are entertaining, unpretentious and, as a group, some of the least judgmental mommas I've met. Some AltMoms are easy to spot with brightly colored hair and visible tattoos and some aren't. These moms march to their own maraca, are generally alright with adult language and have stories that bring me right on the edge of needing a Depends. I highly suggest you break your idea of what a mom friend should be & meet a few AltMoms. I'll admit they make me feel a bit boring in my Loft cargo pants and uncolored hair, but that's just my complex. Plus, everybody needs a friend they can drop an F bomb around. Everybody.
8. BitterMom: Have you ever come across a mom that seemed impossibly negative? Not just having-a-rough-day negative. These Moms will share a seemingly endless stream of vitriol about any topic including their husbands faults, their children's annoying habits and their third grade dance teacher. I once knew a BitterMom (also as InappropriateMom) who described her 5 year old as a "little b*tch" and made jokes about her ending up a stripper. I needed two weeks of antidepressants and a nap after such close proximity to evil. Fortunately, most BitterMoms announce themselves through a combination of bad hair & a permanent B*tchFace, so you should be safe. Be extra careful to avoid BitterMomGoingThroughADivorce unless you want a reason to root for the husband who ran off with the 22 year old.
9. DitzMom: Remember when you had a mom approach you and ask to borrow wipes, a (specific size) diaper AND a snack all in the same outing? She belongs in this category. These ladies take "mommy brain" to a whole new level. I mean, I'll forget my keys or sunglasses occasionally (OK, once a week, whatever!) but I've never started backing out my driveway only to realize I forgot my child inside! DitzMoms are good people & I greatly appreciate that their frazzled appearance makes me look pulled together in comparison, but I would not suggest asking her to babysit or take care of any important tasks for your next event. On second thought, maybe I should start acting more like a DitzMom.
10. DramaMom: These ladies took the phrase "Save the drama for your momma!" as a personal challenge. They love to loudly say "I hate drama! Why do mommy friendships have to be so complicated?" but are the first to get involved or give you the line by line recap of what went down. By all accounts, they keep a written log of whispered insults to stir up histrionics when things get to quiet around the parks or forums. In their defense, their memory and understanding of complicated emotional combat fully qualifies them for a history channel expert position. I keep my DramaMom friend around to keep me entertained during work outs, but constantly remind myself that everything I say is being screened for her "drama log". Chances are if your friend group doesn't have a DramaMom, you're it, so *cheers* for keeping us entertained!
You still haven't listed me. Lazy mom, the one who will let her kids completely dig up the backyard so that I could finish my book. Yards are for digging anyway..
ReplyDeleteThank you for the wonderful laugh!!! I know at least one in each category. I think I switch categories weekly, but am mostly the Alternative Mom :-)
ReplyDeletelol...good read.
ReplyDelete