Mommy's magic bag.

I know a lot of moms gave up their purse in the transition from RockinPreggoLady to HolyCrapImAMom. I mean, why have one more thing to carry when you can just put all your stuff in the diaper bag, right? Not for this Momma! I drew the line at two things: Minivans and giving up my designer purses. I mean, sure I'm rocking shorts that are two sizes bigger than they were four years ago and yes, I have left the house knowing full well that I had a handprint of crushed up goldfish and snot on my bum, but I HAVE SOME DIGNITY PEOPLE!


My last shred of glamour is this unnecessary, expensive and oh-so-beautiful bag that I complete my sloppy, pony-tail and a t-shirt look with. And no, the contents of my bag are not nearly as fascinating as the contents of, say, Kate Walsh's bag, but I've come to peace with that. (Besides, who buys $18 underwear and keeps them in their purse? Seriously!) So, today, my exquisite bag and I sat down for a pow wow, because I was starting to look like a hunchback carrying her around. Admittedly, it's my fault that we got to this place, but the old gal needed to lose some weight & fast, lest scoliosis permanently set it. 


So, because I haven't already shown the interweb how unglamorous I am, why don't I give you a peek into the disaster that is my final attempt at vanity? Try not to laugh too hard at my purse, please. She's already on edge after I called her hefty and used hand gestures. I'm not sure her supple leather skin can take much more.

My Silver Beauty in all her overstuffed glory.

Poor thing couldn't even button her clasp.
She & the ceiling fans I never dust are
considering a civil suit for neglect. #LazyMom

The snack portion of my bag:
One sippy (water), one nearly empty water bottle,
one small bag of goldfish crackers and
two packs of Cars fruit snacks.
(Fruit snacks are part of my bribery reward system.)

The toy portion of my bag:
One gummy porcupine, one orange block,
one stuffed octopus rattle, one fire engine,
one stuffed shaking elephant, one little person,
one Mack Truck, one Lightning McQueen,
one Jeff Corvette and one Doc Hudson.
(Anyone know of a treatment facility that
specializes in Cars obsessed children?)

The technology portion of my bag:
One iPhone 4 (my lifeline, #appleaddict),
one iPad (The keep-them-quiet-in-public tool,
which explains all the gross fingerprints),
one baby phone (She's got people to KIT with)
and one iPhone charger (I am a battery slayer).

The paperwork & whatnot portion of my bag:
One ridiculous pile of receipts & papers,
one red wallet, one passport
(I might be invited on a last minute,
international adventure, you don't know),
three crayons and two pens
(of course, I can only locate the
crayons when I need a writing utensil).

The Mommy portion of my bag:
One container of BareMinerals lip gloss,
one tube of Soft Lips & one pair of tweezers.
(You never know when a crazy hair will pop up.)

The Bug portion of my bag:
Four binkies and four hair bows.
(The binkies are always in use, the bows
are usually on her head for .23 seconds.)

The random portion of my bag:
One plastic electrical outlet cover
(I have no idea why that was in my purse),
two diapers, one chip clip (on-the-go snacking),
and one bottle of off-brand Benadryl and syringe.

The key portion of my bag:
One set of car keys with Kroger saving card,
one large set of work keys (No, I'm not a janitor),
and one set of house keys
(Yes, I am using a hair tie as a key ring).

I forgot to take a picture of the huge trash pile from my purse. It was quite large and an affront to my gorgeous bag. I hope she'll forgive me for that significant transgression soon.

The finished product, my now deflated bag.
Not so glamorous know that you've seen my
"dirty secret", huh?

Now I'd like to see all of you lovely gals (and guys, if you've got a murse) embarass yourselves lighten your mother-load & show all the funny/random/ridiculous things your Magic Mommy Bag contains! You can grab my button for your post, tweet about it with the hashtag #MommysMagicBag and link up below. Looking forward to checking out your posts and pics!

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