The other N word.

I have a nanny. There, I said it. I pay someone to come to my house and play my role for 8 or 9 hours a day. She feeds them, sings songs, does dishes, picks up toys and keeps the peace. She's known for her amazing mini meat loaf and love of music. Some days she is even a better "mom" than I am. She is patient, she gets on their level, she comes up with fun distractions that mommy's tired brain could never think of. And, you know what? I am OK with it.

Do I get a bit teary while slaving away working because my darling kids are home having fun without me? Yes. Does it make my heart ache when she texts me sweet/adorable/hilarious things the kids said or did? Oh yes. Do I question my decision to be a work outside the house mom? Sometimes. Would I change our arrangement? Not in a million years.

See, for me, being a stay at home mom is a fantasy. You know, the "I should definitely do that one day!" thought, that goes in the same category as completing the IronMan triathlon or giving up sugar. It is like I once told my best friend "Me being a SAHM is like communism or pool sex; a great idea in theory, but absolute sh*t in reality." I'm not cut out for it. If I was a SAHM, more days than not would end in tears and I'm not talking about the kids.

[Before I get bloggy blacklisted, I would like to stop and say that I have a TON of respect for SAHMs. I wish I could be that patient, creative & self-motivated. You ladies rock! I just wasn't given the skill set to join that particular club and trust me, you wouldn't want me ruining your good name anyway.]

At work, I am a management machine. I can field phone calls, send off brilliantly vague emails, put out (figurative) fires, balance spreadsheets, handle terminations with ease and motivate the laziest of employees. At home, I can't get my fat butt out of my PJs, much less out of the house for educational outings. Seriously, I can barely keep my trashcan from overflowing and my husband in clean underwear. SuperMom, I am not. But again, that is OK with me. 

Working outside the house makes me a better mom. It keeps me motivated, helps our family financially & keeps me sane(-ish). And the great thing about my paying job is on the days when my employees are acting like petulant children and I want to scream, I throw out a vaguely legit sounding excuse (I'm the boss, insert evil laugh) and head for the door. I know if I were a SAHM, there is no leaving "work" on a terrible, no good, very bad kind-of day and trust me, we'd have lots of those days. So, I will keep going to work & paying our awesome nanny to keep things under control, because I know no matter what fun things she thinks up, I'm still the one the kids are waiting by the door for.