19 year olds are a**holes.

Seriously, they are. I'm sure there are a few exceptions, but most of them are selfish and unappreciative a**holes. If you disagree, I am open to hearing your arguments, unless, of course, you are 19. In that case, please direct your energy into retraining your peers, because I am over their sh*t. (And chances are, you are an a**hole and just don't realize it. Humility, check into it.)


Why do I hate 19 year olds? Good question! You know that snotty girl who can't be bothered to greet you or stop texting while you shop for cute shoes that your kids will destroy? She's 19. The androgynous kid in tight jeans with hair plastered over one eye that smokes cigarettes right next to the playground? He/she is 19. That vapid idiot Kim Kardashian, who is complaining about psoriasis and how it will "ruin her"? She never outgrew 19. THAT is why I hate 19.


I didn't always see 19 year olds as rude, self-absorbed and begging to be smacked upside the head, for the betterment of society, of course. It is a realization that has grown over time, like a kudzu on my back deck*. I wanted to give 19 year olds the same shake as everybody else, after I all, I was 19 a long time ago not *that* long ago and I wasn't an a**hole. (Here is where I am really thankful my parents aren't reading this blog.) Anyway, I didn't christen 19 years olds with the title "king of the a**holes" until one of them pissed me off for the 3,178 time and I decided I had had enough. It was time to wage a war of snark, mockery & condescension on them all. 


Oh, you need an example of the bullsh*t that led me to declare war? What are you congress or something? Geez! Here is your explanation: I wrote an employee up for a blatant violation of company policy & she responds by posting a idiotbook facebook status about how she hates her job & is getting "the sh*t end of the stick". Did I mention she is friends with myself & the owner of the company on  idiotbook facebook & when confronted about the status, she had the gall to defend her status because she has "freedom of expression" (even though she wrote the status on the clock)? I'm totes serious, guys. (Isn't that what the kids say nowadays?) Want to guess how old she is? You guessed it: 19 and an especially dumb one to boot. And that was when I went to war. Do I have your approval to commit acts of war now?


As of yet, my war plan isn't very well-established. It is mostly harassing them into realizing the importance of manners and professionalism. When I ask a 19 year old if they understand something and I get a "yeah" in response, I treat them like my 3 year old. "Excuse me, I think you meant 'Yes ma'am', didn't you?" (Is it any wonder they hate me?) Oh and I add sentences like "Later on, you are going to realize just how easy you had it & how you failed to appreciate any of the opportunities that you were given!" Come to think of it, this war on 19 year olds sounds a lot like me turning into my parents....Ah, sh*t.








*No, I'm not talking about the website. If you don't know what the plant named kudzu is, you clearly don't live in Georgia. Consider yourself lucky and go look it up. That sh*t takes over everything. 
**In case you were wondering, I used the number 19, 13 seperate times in this post, including this sentence and I cursed 10 times. How's that for setting a good example?