Confession: I'm not really a blogger.

I'm a twitter-er (@anonyMOMous). I wanted to set the record straight on that before anybody got any lofty expectations and then makes me feel all guilty-like when I let you down. Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of snarky, irreverent and hilarious things to say, but until I can plug my phone into my brain and let it auto-fill this bad boy, a lot of my best goodies might be reserved for twitter, the Yankee or whoever else is close enough to hear my ramblings. So, here are a few of my fave twitter jems. If you don't like 'em, well go to hell, punk don't follow me. If you do love them & can't help but fall rapturously in love with my witty self, feel free to send me boatloads of small, unmarked bills or just follow me. I recommend the prior, but hey, it's your call.


Yes, I think my kids are geniuses, but I also thought unitards were a brilliant idea, so I'm gonna hold off on calling MENSA just yet.


Like I told my husband #sleepisthenewsex and I'm #alwaysinthemood. Spread the word.


It bears repeating: It is fawking cold. If you're looking for the glass cutter, it's inside my bra. That is all I have to say about that.


Pretty sure someone swapped my anti-anxiety meds for a caffeine pill. I'm effing wired & quite nervous about god-knows-what. #brilliantprank


Attention, people: Words have MEANINGS!

Decimated does NOT mean the same thing as abolished.

You, with the blank stare, get a dictionary!


Got a airbrush tan today. The girl who sprayed me was 21. If spraying my post-baby body isn't birth control for her, I don't know what is.


Going out with (read: drinking with) friends tonight. Determined not to be the old lady, so how do I prepare? By taking a nap. #iamsolame


My new glasses are giving me a headache. No wait, my stupid employees who I am looking at through the new glasses are giving me a headache.








What are your all time fave tweets? What is your fave hashtag? Who do you simply adore on twitter?