How I got here. Wait, where am I?

Five years ago I was a perfectly normal, amazing looking (hey, it's my memory, don't question me!) and socially acceptable member of society. Now, I am a mom of two who has spent the last 3.67 years answering to the whims of tiny humans who have claimed squatting rights to my body. How did I get here? That's an easy one, I let my hormones convince me that it was time to become a Mommy. Why I trusted the very thing that makes me both ecstatic and berserk, in a one hour period, to make a major life decision for me, well, that's a question better left for another day. Moving along...


So, after my hormones got me all baby crazy and reason starved, I convinced the Hubs that it was go time and off we went. Five weeks later & having temporarily forgotten my baby lust, I couldn't figure out why my happy hour beer tasted funny. (*Insert forhead slap*). Wish granted to a silly lady who didn't stop to think that 40 weeks later would be smack dab in the middle of the hottest month of the year. (*Repeated forehead slap*). The Yankee and I moved forward making optimistic plans, playing hooky to our birthing class and giggling at what fun, amazing parents we were going to be. Yea, karma got me back for that bit of hubris. My punishment? Weeks of constant contractions (no, I am not exaggerating) and the very difficult birth of one adorably tiny and amazingly hungry little monkey.


This creature found a boob & camped out at it for an hour and a half. Welcome to Mommyhood and it hurts! He was a HUNGRY little leech. I had planned on breastfeeding, but holy moly, I was not prepared. They (by that, I mean all the overly chipper nurses teaching birthing & breastfeeding classes) forget to tell you that the first part is HARD...or they might have said that on one of the days I was playing hooky. Regardless, I was overwhelmed, overtired & overly hormonal and if not for the intervention of a few lovely individuals my Mommy title might have been compromised by an impending slapping spree. Having conquered the first speed bump, I was decidedly slightly crunchy by that point, having mastered breastfeeding, but still quite mainstream in comparison to my long-skirted compatriots in Mommyhood.


Fast forward two years and said hungry Monkey is much larger and still nursing, only now he's sharing his leased duplex with another tiny human with big eyes and a peach fuzz covered head. The two small humans are taking over my bed, wrecking my gorgeous house and strapped to my body for hours a day with all sorts of interesting, organic fabrics. It's official, SlightlyCrunchyMom has been replaced by full-on NuttyMom and I am million times happier, regardless of all the sacrifices. So, how did I get from SlightlyCrunchyMommy to NuttyMommy? Short answer: A Monkey & a Bug. They are sneaky little ninjas.