Anyone that knows me IRL (that would hopefully be none of you) knows the challenge that is my relationship with my in laws. These people make me want to puncture my eardrum with a screwdriver, just for an excuse to leave. Seriously, I didn't create & proliferate the hashtag #shittyinlaws for the fun of it. Ok, maybe it was a little fun, but that's not the point. These people drive me to a level of insanity that 3+ years of sleep deprivation and parenting hasn't achieved. Seriously, how is that even possible?! Apparently, they are gifted.
Let's start with some background shall we? The Yankee is an only child, which is a BIG deal. The Yankee was, and still is, very spoiled by them. They still call him a nickname that nobody over the age of 6 should be called and worry about his every want & need. Forget the fact that he is a grown adult & has a wife to look out for him, they still worry if he gets enough sleep & regularly advise me to "Let him rest!" (Have I told you about he sleeps yet? No? Oh, you'll enjoy that story, but back to my ILs.) The sun rises & sets with their boy. I'm just the evil, thieving woman who stole their perfect son. As an added bonus, I do not share the same cultural background as them, which is a VERY big deal.
My darling FIL once looked me in the face and told me that "EVERYBODY should be [from their culture]." I might have told him that saying & believing that was akin to being a Nazi. Definitely gave the Yankee a shock on that one. (It took almost 2 years for him to admit that his dad *might* have been wrong and that I *might* have been justified in responding like I did. Thanks for that support, hun.) So, to put it mildly, there is not much love lost between us.
I will eat some humble pie and admit that they, especially my FIL, are great grandparents. They love our kids (even if they are only half-breeds) and really want to be involved in their lives. I make sure to put on my big girl panties and let them see the kids as close to weekly as possible, despite the other crap that I have to deal with. That being said, I shall return to my vitriol.
My in laws are jealous, petty and a shocking mix of non-confrontational, passive-aggressive and full-on combative. It is a regular occurrence to have a perceived slight brought up months or years after the fact, despite all efforts to have an open relationship and ask them to communicate if I upset them. They once got offended because I told them I appreciated their opinions, but we were going to raise our son a bit differently. Yes, that's really how I said it & they really got upset, but didn't tell me until they had simmered in bitter anger for nearly 2 years. My relationship with my in laws makes me stop to wonder if I'm living in a bad sitcom or an elaborate reality show.
It is funny from the outside (my girlfriends get a huge laugh at the torture that is my life), but it's a bit tough to giggle when you are stuck in the war zone between the husband and his parents. But if I'm going to be miserable, I might as well entertain you wonderful people with it, so here are a few more gems from my #shittyinlaws:
-The very first time my MIL (a classic over sharer) met my mom, she insisted on talking about how her pain meds were causing her, *ahem*, digestive issues. We changed the conversation 4 different times and 5 times she brought it back up. I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when my MIL uttered the phrase "rectal spasms". Care to join us for Sunday dinner?
-My darling FIL telling my husband "Go ahead, marry her & break hundreds of years of tradition!" in reference to getting serious with someone outside of their cultural background. He sure knows how to welcome somebody to the family!
-My MIL reminding me to take care of my "wifely duties" when our firstborn was barely 2 months old. I guess that would have been a good time to ask her if she knew how to get vomit stains out of berber carpet.
So, do you have #shittyinlaws or am I going to be infinitely jealous to hear all the sweet things your sweet in laws do for you?
OMG! are you married to my husband and we just dnt know that we are sharing the same Man. If we are... your kids have two brothers and two sisters:D. I gladly hand over Mr. S and his family. wait they are not the same guy...I have two evil sister-in-laws, who at times seem lie "the other women". Once I got a txt from my SIL on how to be a good wife!
ReplyDelete#Shittyinlaws gurrl let me tell you!
DAYUM. you really DO have shitty inlaws... my FIL is pretty awesome, and my MIL was really great too... I even get along pretty well with Hubs' sisters most of the time ;)
ReplyDeletesorry I can't share war stories, and also that you even have them to begin with :( love you lots sweets! xoxo
Okay I cannot help myself AND this couldn't have come on a better day.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL is latin and loud and opinionated and thinks that she knows everything. I mean if she did it with her boys then I MUST do it for my 9 month old. Her way is, after, all the only way. And get this...our little family; my man (her youngest son), the baby boy and I, live with her. Yes, every single day of my new mommy life I am reminded that I should be waiting, just waiting for the opportunity to pick up after my man and my son. I should have no job outside of the home. I should eat nothing but brown rice in order to fix any problem my son has. Brown rice is after all a magic and potent potion that she gave to all of her boys when they were young. So you know...she knows.
Every morning I am greeted with "Did he sleep well?", even though she knows damn well how he slept or didn't sleep, because his room is directly above hers. And she is asking me in spanish, which I am sorta fluent in, but like to pretend that I don't know what she is saying since I am so flippin irritated. If he didn't sleep well (which has happened every night this week), she has a long list of things I need to do (in addition to the brown rice) and stop doing (anything that is not brown rice) that will certainly fix the problem. AGHHH.
Guess what...brown rice severely constipates our son...but she won't accept that.
How many times will we say "No es tu hijo" (he is not your son) before it finally sets in that she is the grandma and I am the mother? I have barely an inch to make decisions and figure it out. She thinks she is helping and she is not. And then today when I said, "I need space to make my own mistakes and figure this out." She said "But I am a mama, and I do it out of love and i know how to do it" (but in spanish of course). And I said "you are aggressive and a bully" and she said "Yo soy una mama...that is how a mama is." Which is not true because there are a ton of mamas in this world with a ton of ways of doing things and I pray to god and his lady that in 25 some odd years when my boy is a man and has a baby that I can be patient and supportive in a way that doesn't feel like I am stomping on and strangling the love of his life.
Wow...nutty mommy...you have no idea how much I needed that. That couldn't have been written in my journal or better spoken out loud to my therapist. I am going to sleep better tonight.
Thank you!
I think my MIL is moonlighting as your MIL!
ReplyDeleteMy MIL is basically Fred Sanford. Before we got married, she threatened to up and die like 6 times a week over various things. My mum was going through cancer treatment at the time, I was stressed about last minute wedding things, and I finally told her to either do it or shut the hell up. We had religion drama, as well, which is super funny because we're as secular as they come.
She didn't speak to me for 4 years, til after Piggles was born, and only twice then.
My other MIL, however, is awesome.
my MIL offered me her inflatable 'roid pillow when I was pregnant...her 30 year old 'roid pillow that SHE sat on when she was pregnant/recovering from giving birth to my husband. She also likes to make suggestive remarks about how much my husband liked breastfeeding and he was still boob obsessed (uhm? ew?) or if they're watching the kids make comments about "grown up alone time"...ahem. Things I don't need to hear from her thanks.
ReplyDeleteoh deary, have i got some stories for you...my FIL referred to me as "that woman you live with" until we had children...as in "tell that woman you live with to pass the bread"(we're married by the way, in their church-a religion which i am decidedly not, nor is my husband)...while preg w/first child he informed me i had no right to have an opinion in the naming of our child, it was strictly his job...we once had to leave a family holiday gathering in the middle of turkey dinner and catch a flight home bc tensions got so heated - we didn't speak again for 2 years and don't get me started on the politics...in front of my children, over dinner, my MIL told me i only wanted to vote for Obama because i secretly wanted to sleep with a black man...oh the stories i have collected in my 20 years - when they are dead and gone i'm totally writing a book
ReplyDelete